The Life and Death of Mary Sue, the Mary Sue
by streco
Summary: Let's see how a Mary Sue can screw up the lives of our favorite bohos. [MarkOC, OCRoger, MimiRoger, MaureenOC, MaureenJoanne, JoanneOC and CollinsLaughHisAssOff MimiSwordofDoom love... pentagon :D] borderline crack!fic.


_The Life and Death of Mary Sue the Mary Sue_

**A/N:** Ooooooh... so let's talk MarkOC, OCRoger, MimiRoger, MaureenOC, JoanneOC and CollinsLaughHisAssOff love... pentagon. Or hexagon, if you count Collins' as serious. XD Let's see how a Mary Sue can fuck up the lives of our favorite bohos.

By the way, this was written in like five minutes... borderline crack!fic... not edited... so don't hate me. XD

— —

Roger stared out the miraculously clean window to the loft, into the filtered sunshine that ravished through the spotless air of New Yo—

Yeah—no. What the fuck are you thinking? The _clean _window to the loft? _Filtered _sunshine that _ravished _through the _spotless _air? Come on, seriously. Don't ever fall for that shit again, alright? It was a cold day with no sun, and Roger could barely see his reflection through the grimy window that he was trying to draw a smiley face in.

"FUCK!" he shouted. "I've never drawn a smiley face before," he frowned and looked down, forever an angsty character of angstness.

"Let me teach you," Mimi said, coming behind him in a seductive way. She grabbed his left hand—Roger's a LEFTIE—and put two dots and a curved line with Roger's index finger. He gasped quite loudly, and looked at Mimi with shock. "Now, can _you _make that face, Roger?" Mimi asked, smiling at him, demonstrating.

And he did, and his green eyes dazzled, and his teeth—

Pfft, no, they didn't. Nah, he just smiled, and Mimi clapped. "Great job, Roggiekins," and she gave him a short kiss on the cheek. "Wow, it's awfully cloudy today. I bet someone's gonna come and fuck up our lives, no?"

"PROOOOOOOBABLY!" Collins shouted in a singsongy voice. He did a leap into the kitchen and slipped on his five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred sizes too big socks, taking a dixie and landing on his back. "Helllooooooo, grimy ceiling to the loft!" he shouted, and reached his hands up, giggling.

"Collins?" Roger asked, cautious. "Go back to bed."

"ALLLLLLLRIGHTY!"

Then Mark was walking in, pushing by Collins, who was skipping into his bedroom. "Why is he stoned already?"

"I have no idea," Mimi shook her head, and threw a fried egg at him. "HERE! EAT IT."

"As you wish," Mark bowed, and stuffed the egg, whole, into his mouth.

But then, Roger was there, his hand around Mark's neck. "My name is Roger Davis. You killed my father. Prepare to—"

"BE SLAIN BY COLLINS' SWORD OF DOOOOOOOOM!"

"HEY!" Mimi shouted, grabbing Collins' wrist, twisting it, grabbing the Sword of Doom and then pointing it at the three boys. "Calm the FUCK down, or I'm going to castrate all three of you!"

"No, me likes my dingdongs!" Collins squeaked, and put his hands on top of his cash-and-prizes.

"Yeah, me too," Roger agreed.

"So do I," Mark nodded and backed away from Mimi, hands in the air.

"Helloooooooooo, dahlings!" Maureen announced, walking through the door, her hand entwined through Joanne's. "We decided to invite ourselves over today! We commonly do such things of this nature, and we decided to do it today!"

"That's wonderful," Mark announced, but when he turned his back on the two ladies, he made a face of clear pain, as if Mimi really _were _castrating him with the Sword of Doom.

"Yeah, it's time we—WOAH, Mimi with a sword!" Joanne backed into the far corner of the loft, but Mimi laughed and threw the sword into a bulls-eye on the wall, making it right in the middle.

"Of doom," Collins added.

"You've had too much practice," Maureen's eyes were glazed over and she looked like she was going to pass out.

Then, all was normal, and they sat down to eat breakfast.

...until the door to the loft opened and sunlight came streaming in, along with steam and white doves.

Collins shot the birds down with a BB Gun, Roger walked over there and all of a sudden all sunshine was gone due to large amounts of angst radiating off of his (sexy) body, and Mimi set up a fan to blow all the steam away.

When all of the extra effects were gone, the bohos were left with a girl. A woman. Her hair was flowing and blonde and was down to her rib cage. Her eyes were a dazzling blue, and her teeth shone like the sun would in Florida. Though her shirt was skin-tight and v-neck, and her shorts were too short (in the WINTER), and her body was slam-a-jammin', she did not come off as a whore.

Well... she didn't come off as a whore to Mark.

"HEY!" Mark shot up from the table and literally _flew _over to where this creature had made her appearance. "What brings home to our lovely you?" he froze. "I mean, what lovelies you to our bringing home?"

Roger sashayed over and stuck out his hand. "Hello, I'm Roger—what brings you to our lovely home?"

She grinned, and Roger almost ducked and covered from the light coming from this woman. Instead, his eye twitched and his smile faltered for a brief moment. "My name's Mary Sue... you guys were supposed to find me on a street and take me in, and then I was supposed to fall in love with albino dyslexia man over there... but I find you much sexier..." and right there, she started to grind with Roger.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Mimi cried, and swung over on a rope to topple Mary over.

"Mimiiiiii!" Roger whined. "C'mon, it was a friendly... a casual... whack of the penis—"

"Shut the fuck up Roger!"

"Okay!" he squeaked, and was dragged away by his ear.

The next person up was Maureen, who chose a flank attack from behind. "Hey, baby," she whispered, and started to suck on Mary's ear.

Joanne came from the front and had a full-on make-out session, creating a Mary sandwich. Then, Mark flew in again, hugging her legs. From nowhere, Roger pounced and was on her side, grinding with her.

She looked like a multiracial being with multiple body parts.

Mimi and Collins sat back, clearly not liking what they were seeing. Well... Collins was laughing his ass off and manning Mark's camera, but _Mimi _was pissed off. "What do we do?" Mimi asked.

Collins fetched the Sword of Doom and bent his knees, bestowing it upon her. "Use the Sword of Doom, O Mighty One," he acknowledged.

And boy, did Mimi ever.

"HIIIII-YAAAAAAAAH!" she shouted, and ran at Mary, with the Sword of Doom, stabbing her right through the skull. The Sword of Doom came out the other side and knocked her over, driving into the floor. Then, like a shish-kabob, she was stuck to the floor of the loft by the Sword (Of Doom), her body sideways but sagging.

Mimi didn't look like she'd just stabbed a person—she smacked her hands together as if washing off dust, and claimed her boyfriend as her own. "C'mon, Roger, the home fries are getting cold."

And as the other couples stalked away, Collins sat there and stared at the dead body of Mary Sue, laughing and laughing, tears streaming down his face.

"THAT'S TO ALL YOU MARY-SUES OUT THERE!" he shouted at the ceiling, and at the FanFic writers upstairs. "WE FUCKING HATE THEM, SO STOP CREATING THEM, YOU ASSHOLES!"

And then he left.

**A/N: **XD I had too much fun... hooray for Mimi!


End file.
